Oh hey, 4am.

The last ten nights, I have woken up at 4:30am sharp. Wide awake. I could jump out of bed and finish my to-do list or read a chunk of my book if I wanted. But all I desire is sleep. I’m always really tired during the day, why do I have to be wide awake at 4:30am?

Last night in particular was a rough one. I woke up, and took a look at the clock. It screamed back at me with its bright blue light that it was 4:30. I made a mental note to get a new alarm/iPod dock that didn’t have such a bright blue light, while resisting the urge to chuck it across the room. I sat up in bed to try to remember what day it was. In the first few seconds, I hoped it was Saturday morning and I could just fall back to sleep without stress. Nope, I remembered, tomorrow is Thursday. Frick. I counted how many hours I had until I had to wake up, and realized I’d have to wake up in 2 hours. Double frick.

So I tried to relax myself back to sleep as if I was in yoga class, then kept thinking I had to pee. Damn it, not now, I told myself. But my bladder kept nagging at me, and the more I tried to sleep, the more I kept telling myself to just get up and go to the bathroom. It would take two seconds, and then I could get back to my amateur meditation. I stumbled to the bathroom while almost stepping on my cat. Wait, that’s my roommate’s cat. “Sorry Lucy,” I said in my sleepy man voice.

I successfully went to the bathroom and stumbled back into bed. Then, I nagged at myself that I should get a glass of water. My man voice was proving that my throat was a little sore, and I should just go and get it over with while I was still awake. But of course I had to lay there for a few more minutes to reason with myself. Is water more important than sleep? I had just started getting cozy again. But ultimately, I knew it would be worth it, meaning I could quench my thirst then try to sleep again. By the time I had my water in hand and reached my bed again, the bright blue light was flashing 4:40.

At 5am, it was now in my head that I had to wake up in an hour and a half. I was still wide awake, and my yoga meditation was not working. I almost always fall asleep during the meditation portion of yoga class, but of course I can’t in my own bed. I quickly thought of maybe lying on my floor to pretend I was in class, then dismissed it. Then, my cat decided to jump into bed and climb onto my stomach and stare at me for a while until I pet her. Ugh, 5:15am.

After my cat got what she wanted and stalked away to fight with my roommate’s cat, I finally fell asleep. Then, what felt like five minutes later, I woke up again around 6:20. Ten minutes, ten minutes! before my alarm was going to blare my favorite Coldplay song (Strawberry Swing). Frick.

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